Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
