i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize