the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
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