There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
