I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Randomize
