Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
