please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
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Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
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I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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