I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
