The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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