I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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