After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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