I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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