Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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