sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
