dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
