Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
