I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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