Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
