She went from zero to smokin in five shots
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
