i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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