Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!