I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus