the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
