As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever