we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
These 25 People Believed Fake Facts For Way Too Long
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"