Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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