I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
