I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
She announced her abortion via fbk
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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