So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
My breasts were aching with rage.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Randomize
