is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
