well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
