I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
