I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
