So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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