So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
