I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
