Me. At least after what I've been through.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
