Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
