what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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