Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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