i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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