apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
sick fucks of a feather flock together
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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