evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
