I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
