the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
This is the high leading the old right now
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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