Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
