I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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