I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
please come you make the beer taste better
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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