I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
you traded sex for a burrito?
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
