hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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