hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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