sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
We need to rekindle our bromance
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
