my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
