is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
