Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
