Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
