Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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