Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
