why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
